|
Zimbabwe's Esther Guzha Living positively with HIV By Lewis Machipisa HARARE - Thirty-six-year-old Esther Guzha has lived with HIV for more than 13 years. During this time she has experienced abuse from her husband's family, her youngest son died, and, there have been days when she has been bed-ridden and did not know if she would live to see another day. But Guzha also has established her own life and broken away from the confinement placed on women in this Southern African nation by culture. She is the first to admit, however, that it would have been better if she had become so empowered before she was infected with HIV. Guzha has a demanding job as an HIV/AIDS activist and counsellor at 'The Centre', an organisation which provides 'supportive' counselling for people living with HIV/AIDS. She also is raising her teen-age son alone. Her second child died in 1988 and this is how she learnt that she was HIV positive. The Centre was started in 1992 as a support group and became fully operational as a counselling centre in 1996. Guzha joined in 1993. A typical day for Guzha starts very early in the morning taking vitamin supplements. "I can't afford anti-retrovirals. In Zimbabwe, they are unaffordable and not readily available.'' Her work at The Centre begins at 8 am and when she gets to the office, there are usually people already waiting to be counselled. " Most of these are walk-ins, although we emphasise on people making appointments.'' "If there are no clients, then we hold a meeting of counsellors,'' she says. On any day she counsels no more than four people. "Very tired at 5 pm, I go home to rest and prepare for the next day.'' According to official statistics, one in every four Zimbabweans is infected with HIV. The country's population is 12.5 million. Zimbabwe's Health Minister, Timothy Stamps, says last year, more than 100,000 people died from AIDS-related deaths in the country. Most of the people visiting the centre, says Guzha, are mainly women aged between 17 and 50 years old. "But recently we have been having children below the age of 10 years. They come in with their parents.'' "More than two-thirds of our clients are females,'' explains Guzha sadly. "It's not because women are more infected, but women tend to accept reality far much better than men. Men are not forthcoming and as such, women live longer with the disease than men. "Most women live longer because they are attached to their children,'' Guzha says. "They are determined to live positively, rather than wait to die.'' But she is the first to admit that women have to go through a lot of different emotions, before they finally decide to live positively. "My second child passed away. That's how I knew (that she was HIV positive), and then I started dying slowly. I didn't know what being HIV positive meant, so I was just waiting to die,'' she recalls and manages a dry laugh. Fearing rejection by her family, she did not tell anybody except her husband. That's when much her suffering began. "My husband denied it and abandoned me and went to stay in a different town.'' Sadly, she says, her 43 year-old husband has since re-married. "Last year, he married a 17 year-old girl. The young girl did not know the condition of my ex-husband. Last year, my 16 year-old son went and told her that his father was HIV positive, but she dismissed him saying he was doing it because I was jealous of her.'' "In February this year, they had a baby girl,'' says Guzha before taking a long glance into empty space. "I meet with a lot of similar stories. A lot.'' "My husband knows his condition. He knows he should change, but he won't. It pains me,'' she says before wiping her eyes which at this stage appear to be filling with tears. Guzha's husband worked in a mine in South Africa during their marriage, and she believes that his behaviour while he was away led to his being infected with HIV. What particularly pains Guzha is that more than three-quarters of the women seeking help at her organisation are married women who got HIV from their husbands. "I was married a virgin to the one and only man I have ever known, who is now my ex-husband," she reveals before breaking into embarrassed laughter. She had her first child 16 years ago before she contracted the virus. Her status, she says, is not easy for him. "He is very supportive, but he would prefer it if we were in a proper family set up where there is a father in the house. He goes now and again to see his father." "The depressing part is that my son blames me for the break-up with my husband," she adds. "My ex-husband has been trying to get back with me. But he has a new wife and I am not prepared for that. He wants to have two wives," says Guzha. The HIV/AIDS counsellor says many people, including her own relatives, find it difficult to believe she is HIV positive when they see her looking so healthy. "I am like any other person. Some people even say I am not HIV positive, but just after the money. My relatives tell me that too. "I have an aunt who in 1993 when I was bed ridden, told my mother to chase me away fearing that I would infect others," she continues. "Now, she does not believe seeing me in this condition. One day she came to me and said, 'do you know that when you were sick that time, I thought you had AIDS'," Guzha recalls. "Just like most other people, she thinks you can't recover once you get AIDS and live a normal life." But is she bitter with her husband? "Yes," she says and takes a long pause. "At
first I was," she continues, "but after counselling, I
realised it was no use. I don't hate him now. But he cannot be my
husband again. I actually feel sorry for him. I think he doesn't
realise how terrible it is what he is doing." |
|
|