No Excuses for Domestic Violence

Zarina Geloo

To thunderous applause Jurandir Freire Costa, the only man on a panel otherwise consisting of six articulate and outspoken women, began by saying all the right things: domestic violence is an aberration and must be stopped. Men must be held accountable for their crimes. Society must make a greater commitment to getting rid of patriarchy.

Spurred on by slogans and chanting, Costa, from the University of Rio de Janeiro, told the 'Culture of Violence, Domestic Violence' conference that men must be educated on women's rights because they do not always know they are violating them.

He said boys grow into abusive men because that is the way they were socialised. They saw their mothers and sisters abused and treated as lesser beings, and grow up to be abusers themselves because they do not know any better.

Costa said that when such a pattern emerges, it must be broken.

Costa's solidarity with the meeting organised by the Women's March broke down, however, when he suggested that sometimes violence against women is the result of collusion of other women.

An example of this, he said, occurs in some cultures where a bride's dowry may be considered insufficient and the woman does the 'honourable thing' and kills herself, knowing her female in-laws expect it. Or where there is a perceived dishonour of the family name, and a girl is killed with the knowledge of her female family members.

This approach did not win Costa many friends.

Men are not ignorant of women's rights, charged two women at yesterday's conference, Carlitas Muendes and Dura Farin.

'What is difficult to understand about it being wrong to beat up another person or torture them or deny them the things that you would like for yourself?' wondered Muendes, a social worker in Brazil

She said marital violence is a cycle that never ends, even when the perpetrators say they are sorry and promise they will change.

Farin, from a Lebanese NGO working with abused women, said domestic violence behaviour patterns are institutionalised and must be changed, and not seen merely as a challenge.

Men are the principle actors in these violations, she said, but women end up 'going it alone' because they are not in a position to speak out. Farin stressed that laws in and of themselves would not change the situation, but that a society-wide change in attitude is required.

It was precisely the purpose of the conference, she said, to enable women to speak out against this form of violence, to open up debate through testimonials, come up with ideas on how to move forward, and refuse to accept the notion that violence against women is a challenge that cannot be overcome.

Fatima Mello, from the Brazilian women's NGO ABONG and chair of the conference, said the forum had shattered the silence of domestic violence and had sent a clear message that women are prepared to fight for change - and to pay the price.

'Some of us are being hounded for speaking out, others are being put behind bars, but we will forge ahead,' she said.

From here, NGOs and others working against domestic violence should join in solidarity and begin direct action, for example by heading to the Nigerian Embassy in their countries to press for the release of a woman who has been sentenced to a stoning to death for adultery, urged Mello.

The woman was pressing for child support from a man who now denies paternity. The court ruled that she had sex outside marriage and is therefore an adulterer. The sentence: stoning.

Sasha Sail from the Indian World March of Women said the WSF as a whole has given impetus and hope to fledging women's movements in places like Afghanistan, which are grappling with the worst forms of violence and abuses against women's rights.

She said women's organisations had set up a system of partners, in which one would 'blow the whistle with the other' in cases of abuse.

'We are going to stand with all organisations and back them up in every way we can by exerting pressure on our own governments. This is an exciting time for us because we are integrating women's rights into all agendas at the forum,' said Sail.