The following news (published by a leading Bengali national daily on September 30, the National Day of the Girl Child) has been haunting me since I read it:

In the last one and a half years, 24 girls below three years were raped.

Illustration: Heather Plett

Recently while talking to a group of women in their early 40s (most of whom are parents of adolescent children), one commented, “When we went to school, our parents did not hesitate to let us go by ourselves in our chauffeur driven car, but now we cannot even do that for our boys; it’s unthinkable to do so for girls.” All of us can remember horrifying stories from recent months where girls were brutally killed or mutilated for not responding to love proposals of young men or for other reasons. Girls have also committed suicides after not being able to deal with the pressure of rape or sexual harassment. Lack of safety of girls is one of the reasons for which some parents decide to arrange their marriage, as they consider this will deter men from harassing girls. In this context, how will our girl children realise their full human potential? Have we been able to create an environment where girls can dream freely about their future and the contribution they want to make to society without being constrained by the fears of violence?

Playgrounds for children are diminishing in Dhaka and other major cities. The ones that remain are mostly used by boys. Our girls hardly have any access to outdoor sports or public space. Despite the challenges, Bangladesh Under-16 Girls’ Football Team (most of whose players hail from villages) continues to make us proud through their achievements. Sadly, last month, the footballers were harassed by some men while using public transport. Shouldn’t we be ashamed of this? Until we stop treating girls and women as sexual objects and do not respect them as human beings, sexual violence will continue.

Recently, we have also witnessed reports of harassment over mobile phones and the internet. While technology creates new opportunities for education, entertainment and communication, it has also led to new forms of violence against women and children. We have to be pro-active in addressing this.

The culture of impunity regarding violence against women and children must end. The following numbers may be sufficient to make the point: 22,386 women and children have received treatment from the One Stop Crisis Centres (started in 2001) of ten government hospitals for rape and other forms of violence till 2015. Five thousand and three cases were filed; there have been 820 verdicts, and only 101 perpetrators were punished. This means that the rate of completing trials is 3.66 percent and only 0.45 percent perpetrators were brought to justice!

Our justice system is not women and child friendly. They are not treated with dignity and the process makes them suffer the trauma all over again. There are huge delays in resolving the cases. In addition, societal stigma manifested by character assassination of the concerned women, and the influence of powerful people (usually family members of the perpetrators), who want to divert the course of justice, are discouraging for anyone, and many families are not able to continue the process. There should be speedy trials for cases related to violence against women and children; media should also follow up on the cases until those are closed.

It is very important that we empower girls and develop their self-confidence so that they do not decide to end their lives after facing sexual violence, and can challenge patriarchal norms. It is critical to sensitise men and boys on how to treat women with respect. Evidence suggests that engaging men and boys contributes to reducing sexual and gender based violence, and some of them can work as change agents in their communities. The capacity of parents should be developed in raising children in a way that boys and girls become respectful to each other. There is a tendency by media to portray women and men in roles that conform to gender stereotypes (e.g. women are depicted as being conscious only about their physical beauty, giving disproportionate emphasis on their roles as wife and mother/caregiver, dependent on someone, while male are shown as powerful, providers for women etc). The reality is completely different: many women are excelling in education and various professions, and contribute significantly to the economy, politics, culture and society. It is thus imperative to promote positive, strong role models for girls.

We should stop tolerating violence. Not being able to end this will be our collective failure. Let us take a strong position and do everything we can to protect girls and women from violence.

The writer is Director, Child Protection, Save the Children.

This story was originally published by The Daily Star, Bangladesh

A still from Afia Nathaniel’s Daughter.

By Laila Khondkar
Mar 20 2016 (The Daily Star, Bangladesh)

You give dowry and I receive it, why are you bringing government into this?”said a woman in a village in Rangpur district during a discussion on women’s status. I had the opportunity to facilitate the session, and have thought of this many times since hearing several years ago. The comment reminds me that it is extremely challenging to get rid of a harmful practice if it is socially accepted, even when it is prohibited legally. Law is important, but not enough to bring social change.

Recently there have been several discussions about child marriage, since there were reports that the government might lower the minimum age of marriage for girls. Like many others, I strongly believe that the minimum age of marriage for girls must remain 18 years, and any move to change this is a serious violation of child rights. But today’s article is not about this. I would like to reflect on why the rate of child marriage (64 percent) is so high in Bangladesh, even when we have the Child Marriage Restraint Act of 1929.

Child marriage is one the most significant reasons for girls dropping out of school, and marks the end of childhood for them. This increases the risk of domestic violence to the girl children. Due to physical and mental immaturity, married adolescents are sometimes unable to perform responsibilities according to the expectations of their in-laws. This makes them vulnerable to abuse. In extreme cases, there is divorce or separation. Married adolescents are also not able to participate in the decision making process of their family, and thus the patriarchal norms continue. Child marriage leads to early pregnancy, and adolescent girls are not properly prepared for parenthood. Adolescent mothers are more likely to suffer from birth related complications than adult women. Malnutrition is also very common for them.

All of us are aware that poverty, social insecurity of adolescent girls, lack of education and vocational skills development opportunities for girls, natural disasters, social acceptance and weak enforcement of law are some of the reasons contributing to child marriage. I want to emphasise on something that is usually missing in child marriage discourse. Gender inequality is one of the root causes of child marriage. The society places disproportionate emphasis on women’s reproductive and caring roles, and they are often not viewed as individuals with the right to realise their full human potential. Thus, marriage becomes the most important and central event for a girl or woman (across all socio-economic groups), and parents consider it to be their major responsibility to ensure that their daughters are married off. So when they find a ‘suitable’ groom, they arrange marriage for their daughters, even when they are under-aged and/or have not completed their education. When a boy drops out of school, even poor parents take initiatives (for example, enrolling him in vocational training or giving him money to run a small business) so that he can be economically productive. But when a girl drops out of school, most parents will arrange their marriage. Parents believe that they need to ensure that their son gains the capacity to generate income, but they do not hold the same belief for their daughters. This does not only happen in poor families. Many parents from well-off backgrounds do not understand the importance of continuing education of girls or their full participation in the workforce. That is why they do not hesitate to arrange the marriage of their daughters in the middle of their university education.

In her novel Motichur published in 1904, Begum Rokeya wrote:

“We shall do whatever is needed to be equal to men. If we have to earn independently in order to gain independence then we should do that…Why shouldn’t we earn? Don’t we have hands, legs, and intellect? Can’t we engage in business with the amount of energy that we spend in household work in the husband’s place? […] Why do we cry if our girls are not married off? Educate your daughters properly and let them enter the workplace; they can earn their own livelihood.”

We have not been able to live up to the vision of the revolutionary Begum Rokeya in creating an environment where women’s economic emancipation is valued and celebrated. More than a century ago, Begum Rokeya wrote that women are suitable for any profession, including being a judge, magistrate, barrister and even viceroy. Wouldn’t she be upset to learn that even now parents ‘cry’ when they are unable to marry off their daughters? Marriage is critical for maintaining one’s family and social life, but that is relevant for both men and women. Why should only women’s lives revolve around marriage? Why do they have to ‘sacrifice’ their academic and professional ambitions to maintain a family life? Don’t most of them face gender stereotypes in choosing a career? We shall not be able to address child marriage until we truly confront these issues.

Child marriage is one form of sexual violence and is a major challenge of our time. So what should be done to prevent this? Integrated programmes, instead of disjointed projects, addressing the structural causes should be implemented to address child marriage in a holistic way. The enforcement of legal processes, proper birth and marriage registration, strengthening social safety net programmes to increase parents’ income, improving girls’ safety in communities, including through national and community-based child protection systems are needed to address child marriage. Men and boys should be involved as key agents to prevent child marriage. But most importantly, parents should be educated on the rights of girls to education, health and protection. Their capacity should also be developed in treating boys and girls equally. There must be attitudinal changes in the ways parents and the community, in general, view girls and women. A social movement is required to achieve true gender equality. There must be full economic, political and social empowerment of women; we must learn to celebrate their achievements beyond their roles as wives and mothers.

Let us have the same aspirations for our boys and girls. Let us raise our girls in a way that they become confident about themselves, and can realise their dreams to the fullest.

The writer is Director of Child Protection, Save the Children.

This story was originally published by The Daily Star, Bangladesh