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By Sarah Anjum Bari
May 4 2017 (The Daily Star, Bangladesh)

The fact that 13 women have been killed and 17 physically abused over dowry in Bangladesh in January and February of 2017 does little to rattle us. Neither do the figures of 107 deaths, five suicides, and 94 physical abuse victims in all of 2016. These are, alas, just numbers that we forget soon after reading them online. But when you hear of a woman who, last week, was chained to a bed and beaten up with sticks and hot iron rods, almost forced to swallow poison, and salt and chilli powder rubbed on her wounds, it forces your eyes open to the horror thousands of women have faced and continue to do so.

This isn’t a vague commentary on the backward culture of human barter that somehow manages to prevail in our “progressive”, “developing” society. It’s a response to how a woman – a human being – was tortured almost to the end of her life in a cold, calculated way by her husband in her own home, with her in-laws as accomplices.

Thirty-five year old Taslima Begum had already paid a dowry of Tk 2 lakh, along with gold jewellery, at the time of her wedding to Badal Mridha some 16 years ago. Apparently dissatisfied even 16 years after the marriage, the husband had been asking for more money from his wife’s family. When they failed to comply, Badal Mridha and his family started torturing Taslima, to the point where she had to flee to Dhaka to get treatment. She came back home on April 25, and having returned without the additional dowry, she faced the worst form of physical abuse imaginable. She was fortunately rescued by her parents and taken to the hospital with severe bruises and burns all over her body.

Firstly, if this marriage had taken place 16 years ago in around 2001, under the Dowry Prohibition Act 1980 that was applicable at the time, Badal Mridha would be punishable by an imprisonment of up to five years, or a fine, or both. Given that dowry-related torture is still a very stubborn part of our present, however, it’s no surprise that Badal was able to demand dowry without any repercussions nearly a decade ago. But the beginning of this year saw the establishment of the Dowry Prohibition Act 2017. Under this law, anyone who causes critical injuries to a woman over dowry will face 12 years’ imprisonment, along with an additional fine. Given that Badal Mridha has already been arrested after a case was filed against him on Friday, we hope that he and his family are dealt with the highest form of punishment for the horrors that they unleashed on Taslima.

But the question remains – will they comprehend the magnitude of their crimes even if they are punished? Will the punishment simply push them to regret their own fate at getting caught, or will they truly understand why their actions were wrong? If they were capable of that thought process, wouldn’t they have refrained from hurting Taslima in the first place?

The news reports available so far highlight not only the incident, but also the nature of the incident that took place. Taslima wasn’t tormented in one brief, impulsive moment of fury. She was abused over a long period of time – almost the entire length of her marriage from what has been reported. And on the night of the final incident, Badal Mridha went to the trouble of preparing his weapons by dousing them in fire and tortured his wife through a series of horrifying acts that left stamps of trauma and cruelty all over her body. It takes an extremely sadistic streak to cause this much pain to a person.

This brings back the same questions that were raised when the Dowry Prohibition Act 2017 was passed earlier this year. It isn’t enough to simply pass laws prohibiting such cruelty. Neither is it enough to enforce those laws once the crimes have been committed (although that is crucial). We must be in a position to prevent these crimes in the first place. We must shatter the sense of self-entitlement that allows husbands and in-laws to demand payment for marriage, and to inflict wounds – physical or mental – on their spouses when their demands aren’t met. We must cement the notion of women’s rights, and human rights, into the minds of those who still believe in the legitimacy of dowry and the superiority of husbands over wives. Girls and women must be made to understand that it is unacceptable when their husbands hit them and that they have every right to revolt against it. They must be informed of the laws and resources that are in place to protect them when they need help. The duty of informing them falls on the media as much as it does on the government.

Educational reform and social awareness must be strengthened and taken to the doorsteps of more and more people across the country, particularly in villages and low-income urban societies where archaic patriarchal cultures are practised the most. These are weapons that, had they been used effectively, might have stopped Taslima’s parents from agreeing to pay a dowry for their daughter’s marriage. It might even have stopped them from marrying Taslima into such a household. Most importantly, it might have discouraged Taslima from returning to her husband after every episode of torture that she experienced.

This incident is likely to leave a trail of repercussions. How long will it take until Taslima recovers from the mental trauma? Will she receive psychological help, and even financial help, to be able to move on from this marriage? Will she be protected from the social prejudice that women of broken marriages have to face in a resiliently backward society? And what impacts will these events leave on the minds of her children? Will her son, who it seems was the one who helped rescue Taslima through a phone call from Dhaka, grow up to reject his father’s ideologies?

We can hope that the answer to all of the above is “yes”. Reality, however, often falls far short of what should ideally happen.

We can hope that the culprits of this crime are served with due punishment under the purview of the law. But the responsibility of tackling this culture of dowry and domestic abuse falls upon the society – made up of each individual person who has the power to empower girls, to raise better men, and to speak out in the loudest of voices against injustice in any shape or form.

The writer is a member of the Editorial team, The Daily Star.

This story was originally published by The Daily Star, Bangladesh

By Sarah Anjum Bari
Nov 23 2016 (The Daily Star, Bangladesh)

The NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children), UK defines child abuse as any action that causes significant harm to a child, be it physical, sexual, or emotional. These terms bring to mind cases of molestation and rape, or torture caused by outsiders. Seldom do we think of the harsh behaviour inflicted by family members and teachers, whereas these are the things children are least able to revolt against.

Our culture has a deep-rooted tradition of punishing children harshly. Older generations especially took pride in disciplining their children through caning, flogging and other forms of physical punishment that would supposedly make disciplined, obedient human beings out of errant, rebellious children. Teachers practiced similar methods of corporal punishment in classrooms, the most common of which were slapping students’ palms with rulers and squeezing their fingers together with pens held between them. We have read news reports of young students in schools and madrasas being chained, hung upside down, their head shaved and their bodies bruised with repeated beatings. It is horrifying to imagine kids subjected to this kind of pain, and yet many parents overlooked or worse, encouraged schools to uphold such barbaric disciplining methods. Many still do.

A factsheet posted on the Child Welfare Information Gateway website discusses the long-term consequences of child abuse and neglect. Imagine a child that is shaken, slapped, whipped or beaten by a parent or teacher, especially at a young age. The force may impair certain parts of the child’s brain from developing. Once he starts to grow up, he may fail to develop cognitive and language abilities; he may face difficulty in coping with studies, and suffer from isolation, anxiety, low self-esteem, hyper-vigilance and extremely impulsive behaviour. He may find it difficult to trust people and build lasting relationships. He may drop out of school. As parents and the society continue to expect more and more from him while he grows up, the pressure will only increase. In extreme cases, he may even develop obesity, diabetes, asthma, and lung and cardiovascular disease.

Perhaps as a result of such consequences, corporal punishment in schools was made illegal in Bangladesh in 2011 by the High Court, as a result of the litigation by the Bangladesh Legal Aid and Services Trust and Ain o Salish Kendro. But loopholes still exist.

COURTESY: SIR FRANK PETERS

“I had a patient whose parents and siblings used to tell her she was collected from a dustbin because she was overweight and a bit different. She is a 38-year-old woman who suffered from paranoia about her husband having an affair for a long time,” says Shilpi Rahman, a mental health counsellor currently based in Qatar. Shilpi’s patient suffered from anxiety and depression for years. She wasn’t in good terms with her parents because she thought they didn’t love her, which translated into a negative relationship with her in-laws as well. As a result of mental abuse in her childhood, this woman believed that the world didn’t want her for a large part of her adult life.

Shilpi elaborates on the various forms of psychological abuse, such as taunting, belittling and public humiliation, that leave scars on children’s psyches. One of the most pressing examples, but one we seldom think of as harmful, is comparison. Parents often compare their child to others who are better at studies or sports, or are prettier, skinnier, have fairer complexions. It is even worse when the comparison is made between siblings. The child at the receiving end develops severe self-esteem issues, which is worsened by the guilt of feeling jealous of his/her own sibling. It eventually breeds resentment, creating a rift in the family that may stay back for years.

“I went through major weight gain during my teens. My mother is someone who cannot stand fat people, so she had this habit of berating my appearance,” shares a student of a private university in Dhaka. “It’s come to a point where I know I’m never going to be able to see myself in a different light.”

Meanwhile, students who are insulted or mistreated by teachers develop distaste for education. Nehrin Radeyha Rafique, a student of IBA at Dhaka University, recalls the constant humiliation she faced in school. “We had teachers who used to question our upbringing and family backgrounds on many occasions, especially if we made mistakes. We tried to resist through written complaints, and even met with the class teacher. If anything, things got worse for us. We were scared and angry because a group of abusive individuals were tarnishing 12 years of our memories, that too, in the name of education and discipline,” recalls Nehrin.

These are the practices that create bullies. Children are impressionable, and they are influenced most strongly by their families and mentors. The child who is belittled for being overweight, dark in complexion or mediocre in studies or sports has an ingrained notion that anyone who doesn’t possess those qualities deserves to be treated badly. She then projects those beliefs onto her peers and social circles, glorifying the traits of superiority and taking pride in intimidating others. Unable to fight back against the ill treatment subjected to her by close ones and authority figures, she is likely to channel her angst onto others who can’t fight back against her. It’s a vicious cycle.

In more extreme cases, according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, these victims of psychological abuse may succumb to substance abuse, personality disorders, delinquency, sexual risk-taking (which increases the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases) and criminal behaviour.

When asked about why such abusive practices still exist despite the recurrent media attention, counsellor Shilpi Rahman and student Nehrin Radeyha addressed the two sides involved – that of adults and children. Nehrin mentions generation gap as one of the key issues. She says, “They fail to understand that we face issues far different from what they faced, and it’s frustrating. I believe abuse comes from unrealistic expectations, among other things. Mental abuse is far more scarring than physical abuse.”

Interestingly, Shilpi addresses the same factors. “Parents don’t understand the damage they have on children’s lives. They think that they’ll grow up and forget. They don’t,” states Shilpi firmly. “Social language needs to change. We need to stop thinking of ourselves as progressive parents only so long as our children fulfil certain specific requirements. Adults need to curb their unreal expectations from children, and replace notions of failure and mistake with more positive ideas of resilience and optimism.”

These issues run far deeper and darker than we can imagine. It’s all too easy to blame a child for being anxious, for being a bully, or for being a bad student; easier still to cast blame on adults for misconduct. As we try to deal with the horrors of sexual assault and murder that seem to have gripped our society more strongly of late, it is important that we stop to think of the factors that caused such tragedies. The government, media, educational institutions and most importantly families must work hand in hand to address and tackle these hidden facets of child abuse. Sir Frank Peters, a royal goodwill ambassador and a lifelong champion for eliminating corporal punishment in Bangladesh says, “I believe involving the police, criminal charges, convictions, jailing and so on, should be a last resort. The Education Department that holds the top of the pyramid position and is ultimately responsible for the behaviour of its employees ought to instigate a programme of self-regulation within each school at first before the heavy hammers are used.”

The writer is a student of English and Economics at NSU, and an intern at the Editorial department, The Daily Star.

This story was originally published by The Daily Star, Bangladesh

Excerpt:

I used to harass girls on their way to school. Now I create awareness among my peers that girls must be treated with respect and dignity. When my parents want to arrange child marriage, I protest and explain that it isn’t good for my sister.”

Courtesy: Save the Children

Recent news updates have been rife with incidents of child abuse across the country. From January to August 2016, a total of 291 children have been raped, 183 have been murdered, 205 have been injured through punishments at educational institutes and 143 have fallen victims to diseases, according to the Child Rights Violation Data from Bangladesh Shishu Adhikar Forum. While the statistics stress on the persistence of abusive culture and health hazards children are vulnerable to in Bangladesh, the recent gruesome images of a nine-year-old domestic help’s wounds have brought home the magnitude of the horrors. In an interview with The Daily Star, Save the Children’s Country Director Mark T. Pierce addresses some of the major aspects of child development that require attention.

“Our real focus is to strengthen the government’s child protection system from the national to the local to the community level,” says Mark Pierce. “We focus on building the government’s capacity and working with local communities to facilitate awareness, prevention, protection, and then if there is a case, intervention. Most importantly, we are working on strengthening kids’ awareness and capacity so that they can take care of themselves.”

Mark T. Pierce, Country Director, Save the Children

Meanwhile, at 64 percent, child marriage rates in Bangladesh are still among the highest in the world. The Child Marriage Restraint Act 1929 bans all boys younger than 21 and girls younger than 18 from getting married, and involves a month-long imprisonment or TK 1000 fine or both for adults responsible for or involved in enabling such illegal practices. Moreover, the ease with which fake birth certificates are issued weakens enforcement of the law.

Natural disasters are a catalyst. “River erosion in some places forces families to move from place to place,” explains Pierce. “Scared of exposing their daughters to abuse at shelters or relatives’ houses, parents feel vulnerable and marry the daughters off at a young age.” Similar outcomes stem from parents’ need to protect daughters from sexual harassment while travelling, who inexplicably think of marriage as a precaution against such incidents.

Pierce mentions an interesting mapping programme that could target these concerns in urban settings. “Suppose they’re walking from school to home and there’s a particular area where they feel unsafe,” he elaborates.”Those areas could get more lights up, ask for more police presence or encourage walking in a group. It wouldn’t cost very much. It’s just a matter of identifying the vulnerable areas and then trying to address them along the route.”

The government has been trying to digitise information to prevent people from creating fake marriage and birth certificates that help to circumvent the law against child marriage. “We are increasing awareness,” remarks Pierce, “making sure laws are enacted, improving girls’ livelihoods and ensuring that they stay in school. Child marriage is still prevalent because you have to get the right synergy between various parties and causes. Improvements in terms of birth and marriage certificates; vocational training; together, these things will bring down child marriage.”

These statistics, moreover, are a lag indicator. They are not measured everyday – so the situation may already have improved but we might find empirical proof of it a year from now. “Bangladesh is very unique in that there are more girls than boys in primary and secondary schools. That is one of the indicators that suggest that child marriage rate will come down,” predicts Pierce.

Other technical factors hamper child development – such as lack of nutrition and sanitation, and natural disasters. “The stunting rate in Bangladesh is around 37 percent. A number of our programmes are trying to bring down malnutrition, stunting particularly,” says Pierce.

But what about bureaucratic impediments that tend to spring up in most humanitarian initiatives? Pierce sheds light on how the Bangladeshi government has in fact been unique in its support. The only complication has been in coordinating the large number of stakeholders involved in the development work, which in turn requires resources. Congratulating Bangladesh in its progress in terms of the Millennium Development Goals, Pierce shares that, “One of the beauties of working here is that you’re working with the government towards the same goals. That said, there is a lot of work to be done.”

The Child Act 2013 proposes the provision of probation officers for each district, upazila and metropolitan area. These officers have to communicate with children coming in contact with the law, find out the reason for the crime, their background and other important information, and help them get bail if advisable. Child Welfare Boards for each district will monitor disadvantaged children to facilitate rehabilitation, or remove them from harmful environments. Police stations will be set up with Child Affairs Desks and maintain separate records of child-related cases. Implementation of the Act, however, has highlighted the areas that require improvement. For instance, the draft encompassed all cases involving child protection or development as part of the Child Court. This led to an overwhelming count of cases as custody matters in divorce settlements also fell under their jurisdiction. “Initiatives are already underway to address the inconsistencies and challenges. Department of Social Services has talked to us and we are going to work in partnership with legal professionals to help support the government in amendment of the act,” says Pierce.

SC’s platforms like the “National Children’s Parliament”, “Engaging men and boys to address sexual gender-based violence”, and “National Children’s Taskforce” in all 64 districts shine light on the importance of children’s participation crucial to the movement. Besides the use of social media and other ICT platforms, Save the Children is currently testing an Online Citizen Reporting Portal, which will allow ordinary citizens to report child abuse cases, and get information on public education and various child rights issues. The key motive, explains the Country Director, is to listen to children and engage them in a meaningful way, so that they can be their own change agents.

“There is a societal tolerance about violence against children,” points out Pierce. “We have witnessed recent cases where people heard children screaming but no one helped them. We need an attitudinal shift in the way we treat children in our homes, schools and communities, otherwise they will always have a lower status in society and they will continue to be violated. Public attitude needs reforms.”

On the bright side, Pierce points out how 50 percent of the population here is under 24, who will potentially grow up to become change-makers in the next 10 years. He explains, “Not only will it have tremendous economic but also social benefits. From a much better educated workforce, people will be much more aware of their rights. They will want to participate in society and government.”

Stressing on the Every Last Child Campaign, Pierce reiterates that, “Bangladesh has made remarkable strides in terms of development. Now it’s time to make sure that every last child is included in the development process; that they have the same access to good health, that they’re protected and educated just like you and me.”

The writer is a student of English and Economics at NSU, and an intern at the Editorial department, The Daily Star.