POPULATION-BARBADOS: Men Learning the Nurturing Role

By IPS Correspondents Reprint | | Print |

Carol Martindale

BRIDGETOWN, May 21 1998 (IPS) - Gone are the days when fathers in this eastern Caribbean island, like many of their counterparts in other islands merely concerned themselves with financial support, disciplining of children or helping their offspring to find jobs when they were ready to enter the working world.

These are the days when men here are shedding that image and are calling for a greater role in the lives of their children.

Perhaps this shift in attitude is a result of the work of Paredos (Parent Education for Development in Barbados) a Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO). Paredos has been trying to get men to understand that their role is much more complicated than just offering financial support..

And Paredos is expecting that the news will get around to many more men when it launches the series of Men and Their Families Workshops which aim to teach men how to be fathers. The idea is to get to the fathers as well as the fathers-to-be, officials say After all, they argue, parenting skills are learned..

David Smith is an example of men who are being referred to as the “new breed” of fathers here. He has been fighting for visitation rights to see his four-year old son for the last year. But he is beginning to feel he is fighting a losing battle because he has been in and out of court with his son’s mother from whom he separated more than two years ago.

But he says he does not plan to give up. He wants a place in his son’s life. “I used to fool around a lot but now I realise that my child is important to me and I don’t plan to let go. I want to be a proper father and role model for him,” he says.

Smith is convinced his son’s mother only wants him to provide financial support for his son. At present he pays 100 dollars per month from the 300 dollars he earns. But he wants to do much more.

So he is one of the increasing number of men struggling to break free of the stereotypical image of being the “no good fathers” who do not take responsibility for their children. This change in attitude is what Paredos was hoping for.

Director of Paredos, Marva Springer says more men are saying they are feeling left out when it comes to their children. As a result, they are demanding custody or at least visiting rights. At the same time, however, it appears that many Barbadian women are sending a message to these men that they do not want them in their children’s lives.

“We have found out there are many men out there who want to play a more active role emotionally, but the women have not been allowing them to come into the lives of their children,” says Springer. “Many women are saying to the father, ‘I want the money only, but you can’t see the child.”

Springer says it is for this reason that her agency is placing much greater emphasis on training men to be nurturers. After all this is a role which can be learned.

“What we are saying is if you are asking for visiting rights, you now need to be trained, empowered to perform that nurturing role that nobody would have taught you before,” she says.

But many fathers have another problem. They say in custody cases it is unfair for mothers to be given preferences over fathers and that is something they want to see changed. Chairman of the Child Care Board, George Griffith agrees. He says more people are now saying it is wrong for the courts to turn a blind eye to the pleas of fathers for custody of their children because women are seen as the nurturers.

“The courts should take each case on its merits, instead of starting from the basic premise that raising children is a mother’s responsibility,” says Linden Lewis, a Barbadian sociologist at Bucknell University in Pennsylvania.

Twenty-six fathers were sent to jail last year for disobeying court orders to provide financial support for their children, while warrants were pending for another 57.

As Paredos continues its activities and as men begin to see their role in a new light, there should be a drastic change in these numbers, officials at the NGO say.