Global, Headlines, TerraViva United Nations

Fool Me Today

Apr 1 2016 - Brexit – Britain’s exit from the European Union. Biscuit – Britain’s exit from direct cargo flights from Bangladesh. A team from the UK arrives to assess the airport (cargo) security and recommends a British company (duh!) which is hired at warp speed. Talk about being on ’emergency export duty’. By the way, we miserably fail the dummy explosives test – delay triggered by the head of the team way after he leaves Dhaka.

The fate of passengers may follow that of cargo. Reshuffle at the Civil Aviation Authority of Bangladesh (CAAB) and the Biman board. Bangladesh Biman Chairman of seven years is replaced. Aha! The history behind the song [I did it] My Way by Frank Sinatra, aka, the ‘Chairman of the Board’.

More emergency duty. The Bangladesh Bank heist fast tracks a World Bank recommended US/Indian IT firm to get on board. Next, UNICEF may tell me I’m doing a terrible job of raising my kids and recommend me a Swiss nanny at US$ 200 per hour who I can afford only through a micro loan from the World Bank.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Malaysia halts the hiring of 1.3 million Bangladeshi workers. That is a pre-emptive action by Malaysia since these 1.3M workers would probably eventually not have been able to travel to KL anyway due to not getting their machine readable passports on time – a job contracted to the Malaysian firm IRIS.

Mess inside, so look outside.

Taking cue of ‘inside, looking out’, the US Government abruptly drops the case against Apple (also backed by Google and Facebook) for Apple’s refusal to unlock the iPhone of the San Bernardino, California terrorist. A third party from Israel successfully unlocks the iPhone. Dude. You guys could have done it at a bargain with the bloke sitting under the over-bridge in Farmgate. Three whole months to get the truth out of the iPhone through Apple, something Bangladesh could have accomplished in three minutes with a boiled egg, the fear of which proably compels the Philipino casino businessman expressing his willingness to return US$14.4M of Bangladesh Bank’s money.

Meanwhile, the terrorists are having a field day – Ankara, Brussels, Baghdad, Lahore, though I didn’t see many making their Facebook profiles don the shades of the Turkish, Iraqi or Pakistani flags.

Riding the wave, Seif Eldin Mustafa rides the Egypt Air flight out of Alexandria and commandeers it to Cyprus, only to deliver a four page letter to his Cypriot ex-wife. The bomb on his waist turns out to be fake, not before a selfie (which was not a selfie) with the British passenger, thinking this would be his (the Brit’s) last. As one Egyptian foreign ministry official said of Mustafa: “He’s not a terrorist, he’s an idiot. Terrorists are crazy but they aren’t stupid. This guy is.” Midlife crisis causes a midair crisis. Yes, it was all for a woman – watch out for Troy 2. Cyprus, plagued by its financial woes, is not capable of even having a proper hijacking.

And Donald Trump? He promptly capitalizes on the goings on and says Pakistan is a big problem. Sure, but with him in the White House, Pakistan will pale into a Disney ride with…Donald Duck.

Not to be outdone, France’s Women’s Rights Minister Laurence Rossignol lashes out at women in hijab as being ‘consenting slaves’, akin to those in the American South of yesteryears (yes, she did use the ‘n’ word to refer to the latter). Really? What about the Royal Brunei Airlines flight with an all-female crew in hijab flying to Saudi Arabia, a country where women are not allowed to drive? So, I guess the hijabi flight deck crew’s adhering to the clearance from Jeddah air traffic control (ATC) to land is an act of ‘consenting slavery’. It could however be a another story after landing the Boeing 787 Dreamliner – taxiing on the runway may be considered as driving…

Wow! So much, so quick. You can fool me today on April 1, or fool G W Bush twice, but 160 million people? Not so fast – hang in there Tonu, justice will prevail.

The writer is an engineer at Ford & Qualcomm USA and CEO of IBM & Nokia Siemens Networks Bangladesh turned comedian (by choice), the host of ABC Radio’s Good Morning Bangladesh and the founder of Naveed’s Comedy Club. E-mail: naveed@naveedmahbub.com

This story was originally published by The Daily Star, Bangladesh