JAPAN: Breaking Tradition, Women Use the Divorce Option

By Suvendrini Kakuchi Reprint | | Print |

Suvendrini Kakuchi

TOKYO, Jan 16 1998 (IPS) - Keiko Suwa, a 39-year-old mother of two, filed for divorce in May last year to end a 14-year-old marriage she described as “stifling”.

“He worked hard and supported the household. He didn’t drink too hard and he didn’t have a girlfriend. But he gave me no emotional happiness, so I decided to start life again,” she explained.

After years as a cloistered housewife, Suwa recently started her own business delivering bread to households for an exclusive bakery. She drives a tiny van filled with goodies around Tokyo during the day and some evenings, and hopes to be able to open her own shop someday.

Suwa’s new life is tough, and she has had to ask her mother to live with her to cope with the demands of both child-rearing and her job. But “I have never been happier,” she said. “I cannot imagine how I endured my earlier life for that long.”

She has been criticised by friends and elders who say she is foolish to discard an economically stable husband in exchange for a difficult, uncertain life.

But sociologists point out that Suwa’s decision to get a divorce represents a growing trend in Japanese society, one that hints at a radical transformation in hitherto accepted norms about women’s traditional roles.

“Suwa is asserting her right to be respected as an individual. She has rejected the traditional role of the devoted wife and mother,” explained sociologist Yulo Ogasawara.

A survey released by the Ministry of Health and Welfare on Dec 31 showed that the number of divorces had more than doubled from the 95,000 reported in 1970 to 225,000 in 1996. That figure amounts to one divorce in every three marriages or .14 percent of the total population in 1997.

Compared to the United States which has a divorce rate of 4.57 percent, marriage remains quite a respected institution in Japan. But this situation may not for too long.

Women’s groups say they see Japanese women who feel trapped in marriages asserting themselves by seeking divorces, instead of just enduring the situation. Japanese women, they add, have begun to articulate their needs and desires. Women like Suwa, whose problems with their husbands centred around lack of companionship and emotional fulfillment, are a sign of what may be a new trend.

Another sign of the changing times may be the growing popularity of ‘Liz’, Japan’s first magazine devoted to divorce, which carries stories on single parenting and experiences with divorce.

Indeed, the health ministry’s survey found that more than half the 5,000 women it polled replied that divorce was an acceptable option if a couple is dissatisfied with the marriage.

For many women, even conceding that divorce is an option marks a change from old customs. “My mother spent her life with her children and not with my father, who was working day and night,” recalled Suwa. “I am just not ready to end my life like her.”

The Ministry of Health and Welfare reports that a major grouse among married women was the fact that husbands did not help enough with the housework or rearing children.

Tomoko Kojitani, 52, a member of the Kanagawa Network Movement, a political citizen’s group, says men often are completely dependent on their wives around the house and do only relatively easy tasks like playing with children.

“Women are stressed,” she pointed out. “They need time for themselves and some sympathy from their husbands and when it doesn’t work that way, divorce is an alternative.”

Still, this may be a tall order for a society that traditionally puts work and duty ahead of personal emotions. Said Osamu Maekawa, a 43-year-old company employee: “Men work from morning to night to bring back a salary to feed his family. He is exhausted at the end of the week. How do you expect him to then turn his attention to his wife?”

Goro Murano, a marriage consultant, says 75 percent of divorces in Japan are initiated by women. And more and more, women are putting off early marriages. In 1996 the average age for marriage was 28.7 years of age, up from 26 years in 1970.

Surveys indicate that many relationships, while not ending in divorce, may not be going well either. Many couples live together but lead separate lives and avoid legal separation only for the sake of their children, experts say.

“It’s a complicated situation,” Murano explained. “From a wife’s point of view, the relationship is boring and cold. But on the other hand, men feel let down by their wives.”

Likewise, he said: “Divorce still carries a social stigma especially if you want to have your children attend prestigious schools or arrange a marriage. So, many couples live in artificial marriages.”

For divorcees here, getting child support from husbands are a big problem. While Japan’s divorce laws provide for such support, they do not carry penalties for husbands who do not follow legal contracts.

Suwa gets 763 U.S. dollars a month from her ex-husband in support for their two children. She says the money is a drop in the ocean compared to her expenses, but she is determined to preserve her newly acquired freedom. With a grin, Suwa said: “Yes, financially I have problems — but that inconvenience is nothing compared to the satisfaction of my new life.”